Cindy Veach, “Witch Kitsch” | New England Poetry Club

Samuel Washington Allen Prize Co-Winner, selected by Marilyn Nelson

Witch Kitsch

Salem is a harbor of kitsch built on the ruins of history.

—Christopher CF

Lappin Park

On Essex Street alone you’ll find HEX and OMEN,
Magic Parlor and Crow Haven Corner—oldest witch shop
in Salem. At any of these you can buy magic books, token
souvenirs, spell ingredients—garlic, cardamon, hops.
You can have a reading via crystals, tarot, tealeaves,
your palms. And at the corner called Lappin Park where
Essex meets Washington you can take selfies
with a six-foot bronze of Elizabeth Montgomery, fair-
haired favorite TV witch, perched sidesaddle on her
broomstick. While you’re at it don’t forget to rub that cute
spell-casting nose. I should mention she was demure
and attractive. And an actress to boot.
But above all—per some residents of Salem, circa
2005, it was a whimsical addition to the city’s oeuvre.

Salem Wax Museum of Witches

It was a whimsical addition to the city’s oeuvre
but it seems like no one cares anymore—
one of the figures is missing fingers and a
thumb. Another has been touched so much the poor
thing is dirty, deformed. Many are contorted at all
angles, heads cocked, eyes bulging, hair
standing on end like a cast-off plastic baby doll.
The signage is pure hyperbole, BEWARE—
Lusty Bridget Bishop. Tituba, the Witch!
Tourists pay nine bucks each to tour the decades-
old, family owned gallery of twenty forlorn Greenwich
made wax figures. This place deserves no accolades.
Chipped glass eyes, dummies chained to walls.
The room is small. It takes ten minutes to see it all.

Magic Parlor Emporium

The room is crammed. It takes time to see it all—
incense, spell casting kits, Bridget Bishop poppets ($16.95)
purple poppets to enhance psychic abilities, pink to fall
in love, green for prosperity, blue for healing, yellow to thrive
Rose of Jericho, dried herbs, resins, charm bags, voodoo
dolls, journaling books, pendants, crystals & stones
bloodstone to protect against blood loss (carry in a blue
mojo bag), black Tourmaline for protection against old crones
Ouija boards ($120), cemetery terrariums, angel cards
pendulums, wands, masks, black hats, smudge sticks
sage and Lavender Smudge Stick – calms the mind, guards
sage and Laurel Smudge Stick – helps resolve conflicts
In-store team of psychics specialized in tarot, palmistry
who will help you discover your destiny.

The Cauldron Black

Who will help you discover your destiny?
L. is very much in demand. Make an appointment in advance.
R. will help you achieve a state of epiphany.
P. is absolutely amazing. In 15 minutes he will have you in a trance.
M. is sensitive, intuitive. She knows.
J. is an old soul, who speaks to your heart in a way that awakens you.
K’s readings are pure wisdom from her connection with Spirit. She glows.
C. is truly gifted in her power to give readings that come true.
D. is nothing short of amazing. The real deal. First rate.
B. knows what your Spirit Guides and Angels want to share.
N. can answer any questions you have about your fate.
S. is down to earth, quick to understand, genuinely cares.
H. is extremely insightful, accurate. Through him, despite his youth,
you will find the truth.

The Witch Dungeon Museum

Here, you will find the truth
has morphed into yet another tourist trap—a tour
through a low-budget movie set where uncouth
locals reenact the trials before a jury of poor,
unblinking, aging mannequins.
Downstairs, in the basement
dungeon, you’re in for more sad shenanigans—
sagging dummies being flogged and bent
in two while the witch, just convicted upstairs,
on cue, shrills and jumps out—Boo!
Total veracity is guaranteed—all signage bears
a quintessential witch silhouette, a déjà vu
of Halloween candy wrappers—please, dear Sightseer,
keep in mind there were never any witches here.

The Witch House

Keep in mind there were never any witches here. No,
this was the house of Judge Jonathan Corwin || who
was called upon to investigate claims of diabolical activity. No,
this was the house of Judge Jonathan Corwin || who
signed the warrants of the Accused || who investigated
claims of diabolical villany. No, this was the house of
Judge Jonathan Corwin || who served on the fated
Court of Oyer and Terminer || who signed the warrants of
the Accused || who investigated claims of diabolical malevolence.
No, this was the house of Judge Jonathan Corwin || who
sent nineteen to the gallows based on spectral evidence ||
who served on the fated Court of Oyer and Terminer || who
signed the warrants of the Accused || who was called upon
to investigate claims of diabolical goings-on.

The Salem Witch Museum

Mission: to give voice to innocent victims
Claims of diabolical doings begin the mock trial that Gwen B.’s
review says is “bad, bad, bad”—a hokey voiceover in a creepy
room of cobwebbed mannequins that light up for a fee.
No actors. No moving parts. Not a museum at all. Just a cheesy
tourist trap sans artifacts, sans heart, milking the innocents while
a teenage guide talks about Wicca, how it’s a real religion.
And the pièce de résistance—the gift shop where you’ll find trial
scripts, pointed black hats, witch pens, witch magnets, kitchen
witches, Witch City patches and sun catchers amidst a bank
of life size flat screens playing endless loops of Hocus Pocus,
The Blair Witch Project, The Witches of Eastwick. Thank
David M. for the best tip about this Salem rip-off—focus
on the exterior. Gawk at the Gothic architecture then run
to Essex Street—the real witches hang at HEX and OMEN.

Cindy Veach is the author of Gloved Against Blood (CavanKerry Press), named a finalist for the 2018 Paterson Poetry Prize. Her poetry has appeared in the Academy of American Poets Poem-a-Day, AGNI, Prairie Schooner, Poet Lore, Michigan Quarterly Review, The Journal, North American Review, Salamander and elsewhere. Cindy was a finalist for the Nation/Discovery Award, the Grolier Prize, and the Ann Stanford Prize and was the recipient of an honorable mention in the Crab Creek Review Poetry Contest. She co-edits The Mom Egg Review and is a volunteer and frequent workshop instructor at the Massachusetts Poetry Festival. She lives in Manchester-by-the-Sea, MA.